TAK BUAT DIMINUM. Aku baca peringatan tsb dari sebuah kaleng warna hijau daun yg kugenggam. Begitu keras dan dingin. Tutupnya yang kuning menyala seakan menantang setiap serangga untuk dipercepat riwayatnya di muka bumi ini. Sebuah pembunuhan yang terencana. Bagaimanakah rasanya dibunuh dengan hujan dari air-air beracun yang membasahimu? Seandainya saja para ilmuwan itu bisa menemukan ramuan yang membuat serangga mati dengan cepat dan bahagia, tentu kita tidak merasa bersalah membunuhnya.

Masih kugenggam kuat-kuat kaleng ini. Laksana magnet. Aku merasa dialah yang mencengkeramku. Ia menarik jari-jariku agar terus melekat dan mencekal kuat lengkungnya. Ia tiba-tiba menjelma teman baikku. Merasakan segala keterpurukan. Mengalirkan segala sesak dan sengal. Karena aku mengerti : ia menawarkan sebuah akhir. Sebuah jalan keluar. Akhir yang pedih dan tergesa-gesa. Tapi bukankah akhir itu seharusnya indah dan pelan-pelan? Tapi sesuatu yang indah memang tidak bisa bertahan lama.

Simbok, tahukah kau betapa aku ingin membahagiakanmu?

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• In Category : Short Story

Last week concert of heavy metal geek Megadeth is the most kickin ass concert i’ve ever seen. Restless high tempo performance was punched out to our ears. About 17 songs, not much, they played violently neat. No opening act. No closing ceremony of we-want-more. No bull shit!

If u expected a lot of their glory old songs then u will dissapointed. Opened by Sleepwalker. Closed by Holy War. Slipped in there are A Tout a Le Monde, Skin in My Teeth, Peace sells, and several songs from their new album. Off course their icon : Symphony of Destruction. Dave’s skill I’ve to admit still cruel despite of his accident. And for a metal band, they were way too polite and calm. Hell yeah! Maybe age is something we cant deny.

Thank you Mr Tommy for bringing them here. But it is more ‘wiser’ if u provide some official merchandise from the show. Let say : a black t-shirt! Metal head usually hunted some kind of that shits as souvenir. Coz we knew, we desperately hope they will come here again. Just for a memento.

But i have to underline : sound quality (or mixing?) was poor. Even Dragon Force was better. My friend who saw from the back hardly recognize Dave’s voice. As long Im in the front crowd, i didnt give a shit.

Enough said.

Technorati Tags: Megadeth, live, Jakarta, 2007

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• In Category : Blog

Minggu lalu waktu mudik rasanya kayak traveler sajah. Tiga hari berturut-turut pulang pergi Jogja Solo. Bukan maksud menjiplak filmnya Riri Riza. Tapi memang begitu ceritanya.

Hari pertama adalah acara silaturahmi. Ke mana? Ada deh. Wah kalo ingat jadi deg2an. Semacam kangen? Ada deh. Mungkin juga. Entah ding. Ga usah dibahas yah.

Hari kedua diundang ke akad nikahnya Juprex-Ika. Kalian itu lho! Serius nggak sih. Kok bercanda terus gt. Senyum2 sendiri. Emang saya tahu kalian pasti sudah tak tahan. Sabar dikit napa! Eh, ini ngomongin apaan sih.

Hari ketiga adalah hari yang cukup berat. Ada nikahan dan syawalan di Jogja. Tp sorenya buru2 ke Solo. Teman baik saya, Ulfa, ayahnya meninggal. Innalillahi. Aslinya sudah tahu dari kemarennya. Namun karena kebaikan Ulfa kami baru tahu siang harinya. Kebaikan seperti apa? Panjang jeh ceritanya.

Kami serombongan dari Jogja sudah sepakat untuk menyembunyikan kekonyolan kami. Tampang sedih diinstal begitu kami sampai di sana. Kami kira2 berempati. Tapi lha kok sampai rumahnya dia malah terlihat biasa saja. Malah senyum2 ceria sambil menyambut kami. Jadinya kami gagap bertampang.

Yah, kami jadi bercanda2 juga. Tapi saya yakin kamu sedang sedih aslinya. Saya tak perlu memaksamu menangis2 agar kamu tampak kehilangan. Tapi hebat juga. Kamu bisa ikhlas begitu. Nggak, bukan casingnya ajah! Saya yakin kamu bener2 ikhlas.InsyaAllah. Kamu kan cewek penyabar absolut. Ga ada hubungannya yah? Ada tapi sedikit.

Eh, tp kamu baik2 saja khan? Halah. Maksud saya, kami di sini selalu di sampingmu kok. Ga kemana2. Suwerrr deh! Siap menghibur ato mendoakanmu. Menawarkan atau meleburkan suntukmu.

Semoga ayahnda diberi tempat terbaik di Jannah-Nya. Allahummaghfirlahu warhamhu. Amin.

• In Category : Blog

Maka biarkan aku menunggu sebagaimana kau menunggu dari dalam kastilmu.
Aku akan berbenah untuk sebuah ingatan
kau akan bersiap pada segenap cuaca
“Sebelum gerbang dibuka
angin tak ada.”

Di tengah taman aku ayun pendulum itu
memukul satu dua malam
diseling ringkik hening
bulan para paderi
“Biar jadi semacam penanda,” katamu.
Bukankah malam sendiri telah sepakat merapikan rasa sebelum
angin ribut memanggil nama-nama dari balik kabut?
Di mana setelah itu aku tak kan ada?

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• In Category : Blog , Poem

“I was watching TV and saw the trucks that said ‘UN’ on them and said, ‘Man, you are so uncool, ineffective, anything …”
“… I thought, ‘Wow, I’ve got to run with this. I got it — United Abominations, ’cause it’s an abomination what they’re doing!” - Dave Mustaine, lead vocal, guitar

I remembered those moments. When trash metal golden era, when everybody loved so much of Metallica, I preferred to like Megadeth. Yeah, he had notorious attitude but not his music style. My friend, whose band played Megadeth said : It’s a jazzy metal band. That time, I didnt get it.

But here we us now. After self acclaimed of disbanding in 2002 due to serious injury by motorcycle accident, Dave reconstruct the new spirit of Megadeth- Glen Drover (former of King Diamond) , Shawn Drover, and James Lomenzo. Then the eleventh album : United Abominations was coming up in May, 2007. Proved to really hard as stone. Yeah, they are alive.
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• In Category : Blog

“Jika engkau melihat orang melakukan dosa, tidak perlu mencacinya. Tp ingatlah dosa2mu karena Allah hanya menanyakan amal yang engkau lakukan” Nasehat Luqman kepada anaknya.

Tadi pas pulang dari sahur di warteg deket kosan yang tak pernah berganti menu dari dulu, saya melihat bulan. Ternyata sudah purnama. Usia ramadhan ini sudah separuh jalan. Yah, bulan penuh tapi ramadhan tinggal separuh.

Saya begitu sibuk di ramadhan ini. Saya memang lg sibuk dengan kerjaan. Dan juga saya ingin menyibukkan diri dengan hening. Dengan Tuhan. Blog ini juga serasa berpuasa saja. Tdk makan coretan2. Tidak penting bgt euy! Tapi kok rasanya tetep pengen nulis. Toh, ini ga ada hubungannya dengan hal ihwal mengendalikan diri. Menulis adl juga utk meyakinkan diri.

Mari kita sama-sama tanya, separuh ramadhan ini sejauh mana kita berjalan ke lubuk sepi. Sedalam mana kita menyelam lautan hakikat? Sudahkah kita berdialog dengan Allah dalam setiap langkah?

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• In Category : Blog

Tuhan kenapa kita bisa bahagia?

Apa itu bahagia, Vi?
Apakah saat seolah jantungmu berhenti berdetak, jiwamu mengendap, angin diam dan sesaat ada peri misterius menyusup perlahan ke dalam rabumu? Serasa ada tangan gaib membelai lembut jiwamu. Seperti ibu menimang-nimang kita di pangkuannya dulu. Hanya nyaman begitu sayup dan ringan. Tak ada lagi yang kita butuhkan. Tapi berapa berat bahagia? Apakah 21 gram seperti nyawa kita?

Sedang di luar hening tiarap.
Sedang di dalam Kau berkarat.

Dalam seribu abad, di antara tangis dan tawa, segala cuaca dan suara, berjuta peluh, perih dan pengorbanan, di atas berbagai tadabun dan bahasa yang jatuh bangun, ia akan tetap terbang tenang menyaru langit bagai alap-alap. Ia adalah tamu tak diundang namun diam-diam kita terus berharap ia datang. Berharap itu indah. Itulah kenapa berdoa itu begitu menyenangkan. Tapi seperti apakah aroma bahagia? Apakah formaldehyde layaknya aroma kematian kita?

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• In Category : Blog

What am I looking for? With solemn face I was walkin into my room. I was very tired. I lost my self for several days. Maybe I trapped in reverse. I rushed to single direction. In this city: everything can happen and its legal. I sometimes wonder that I live exile. Alone in the wood. Yes, like Henry David Thoreau. Me who is townsmen versus everyone. Face my self looking for answers. But you face urself too hard, dont you?

Maybe life is too complicated. Every possibility can occur. Why bother so much? We set ourselves best today, for hoping tomorrow is better. Then we pray. Actually, we pray just to set a hope. Hope is enough. And everything can happen, isn it? But everything we can make it true. It must be Alejandro Gonzales Inaritu. We are the complex plot of life theatrical show series. What am I expect? Did you see that our future is so obscure?

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• In Category : Blog

Silence uplifts the structure
Nailed and fixed, An ornament to the cause
A slave to his will, Reconstructed to uphold

(Abomination Reborn, Suffocation, 2006)

We’d had knocked out totally. We’re totally destructed.
I admit that SUFFOCATION was really infected us last nite (15/08/07). The guru of technical brutal death metal from Tampa, Florida proved that they were as sick as 20 years ago.

I listened their song, first in 2003 where Pierced from Within was released. Their groovy Tampa style was so brilliant. And last nite, Indonesia metal scene went on fire. Thanx a lot (again) to Mipro guyz.

Five opening acts from Jasad (Bandung), Panic Disorder, Kumal (Medan), Purgatory and Tengkorak yet improved to burn the crowd. But we all understood : save the best for the last. We spent our energy. Until their front line showed up.

About 3000 crowd meshed up Ancol. About 1/3 venue was tumult by massive moshing and banging. All over metalhead from all over places in Indonesia gathered there and ready to receive a fabulous natural disaster : Suffocation.
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• In Category : Gigz

Tapi kebenaran tak selalu cantik
Dan aku tak berkutik
(Perempuan Itu, 2007)

“How could u know its me?”
I know. I just know. How could i dunnow?
“Why tonite? Its … ”
So i dunnow then. I just guess. I just simply telling u. Simply broken.

So, this is another nite. Different feel. I think something was blossom yesterday. Earth was black and shiny. Weather was no way tranquilize me. Maybe something was withered slowly. We’ve tried to settle each other. We’re close in sober. The aesthetic of friendship makes chain of chemistry in the name of ordinary. Had i said i didnt mean to? Cos I really didnt. Just blame on Kahlil Gibran for his love resolution. But i confess its true.

So im yet okay, but im happy. Watching movies. The easy, pathetic, hollywood ones. Listening Mum - Small deaths are the saddest, or Radiohead for the gloomy direct respresentative. Thanx to Pure Saturday. I read one or two poems. U may guess its Pablo Neruda. But its Sapardi poetry. Its grounding me.

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• In Category : Blog